Tuesday, September 25, 2001

Flags

Two weeks to the day since the terrorist attacks. Still can't believe how many people were lost; the count seems to keep going up every day. Somewhere well over 6 thousand at this point. Six thousand. I have trouble visualizing how many that is- they'd more than fill up a football stadium; they'd flood the streets of downtown San Francisco; they'd fill up a large neighborhood, they'd make up a small town. They're gone.

It sounds stupid to say it, but I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as Obi Wan would say. I couldn't tear myself away from the TV for the first day or so, but I had to turn it off after that. I couldn't bear any more, and the babies were picking up on our moods, or the overall atmosphere or something, because they were subdued, crying a lot more than normal and were generally inconsolable.

So many people have written about their feelings and the events. I couldn't stand the thought of writing about the whole thing right afterwards; now I don't pretend to have anything unique and enlightening to say, but I do seem to need to muse about it for myself. I've heard a lot of people talking about being angry and letting the feelings of loss transform into steely resolve and determination to get retribution and so on. Can't say I feel that way at all. I haven't felt angry; I haven't felt a need for vengeance. Never been big on those get-back-at-'em drives, I guess. I fear that revenge and vengeance will be wreaked upon more hapless innocent people who just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And haven't there been enough of those already? How does just being Afghani or Muslim or whatever make you to blame? How can there be talk about bombing whole countries for the horrific deeds and beliefs of a fringe fanatic few? Where does it end?

On the Friday after the attack, I saw one of Fremont's big fire trucks with its whole hook and ladder assembly out over the street, with a huge flag proudly waving from its extended length. The houses around had flags out, all the cars driving by were waving flags and honking. They weren't waving flags for the idea of "get the bastards", but for "we are with you, we are all together, we are American and we are family". That made me cry.

I'm still hunting for a flag. Can't find any anywhere; they're all sold out everywhere and people are still flying them all over Fremont, off cars, trucks, houses, balconies, overpasses. Never seen so many flags flying over such a long period. It's suddenly in to be patriotic; more than I've seen in my lifetime. Several times we've driven by street corners and seen groups of people gathered waving flags and posters saying things like "God bless America", with all the cars driving by honking in solidarity. It was okay in 1976 to wave flags, and on the fourth of July or Memorial Day flags come out, but never like this. Paul thought it was funny that I wanted a flag too; me, the liberal leftie that I guess I am. But being to the left doesn't mean I don't love my country, warts and all.

Paul and Taunya leave for Germany tonight. They decided that their guest gig at the German filkcon will go on as originally planned despite the terrorist scares. Life must go on, after all, and nobody wants to let the bastards scare us out of living life to the fullest.

Wish I was going, but somebody needs to stay with the babies, after all. Wish I wasn't nervous about Paul and Taunya's safety, but everone keeps telling me that now is probably the very safest time to be flying with all the increased security. Well, maybe, but I still feel that these kinds of terrorist acts are committed by very determined fanatics and the security checks aren't designed to catch people without real weapons who don't care about their own self-preservation. Maybe I'm paranoid, but it doesn't mean they aren't out there, as the old saw goes.

Riley is fussing to get out of the swing, so must shut up now. Probably a good thing. And probably a baby hug would be a good thing for me, too.

Most recent journal entry

Previous journal entries:

9/2/2001: BabyBabyBaby
8/9/2001: Moving
6/25/2001: Sleeping through the night
6/21/2001: Why Website?